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There’s an unsigned contract on the table. You know it’s not the right time to be telling sales jokes.

But it doesn’t matter, you do it any way.

You say to the prospect, “have you heard the one about the Pure Wool Pants?” (sales joke #1)

Then you proceed to lay down the perfect joke. At an unconventional time, nonetheless, which makes it even more dramatic.

The prospect’s fears are immediately alleviated. That’s a job well done. The contract is signed.


…in order to make that a reality, you probably need some good sales jokes. Well, I’ve got them for you. But first let’s learn how to properly tell sales jokes.

Three Key Elements to Tell Sales Jokes

My cousin happens to be a professional comedian (such a tough job to support a comfortable lifestyle).

Nevertheless, he would say, there are three key fundamental elements to all great sales jokes.

  1. know your material without any hesitation
  2. talk as though you’re telling a short story
  3. avoid laughing at your own joke while you tell it

I’m going to give you short, concise jokes. That are easy to remember.

That way you can memorize one or two. For when the time is right, you will be prepared with the perfect sales joke.

This is my unofficial ranking of sales jokes starting with #9 in descending order.

At first, when I read joke #1, I didn’t think it was funny. But then I couldn’t stop laughing.

Top 9 Sales Jokes to Close Big Deals

#9 – Overworked Office Manager

Salesman: This computer will cut your workload by 50%.
Office Manager: That’s great, I’ll take two of them.


#8 – Burial Plots for Sale

Had a door-to-door salesman call one time selling of all things – burial plots. I told him that we already had our plots in another cemetery.
He seemed uncertain as to what to say next, but he recovered to say politely:
“I hope you’ll be very happy there.”


 #7 – Shoe Salesman in Africa

Two shoe salespeople were sent to Africa to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one salesperson called the office and said, “I’m returning on the next flight. Can’t sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot.”

At the same time the other salesperson sent an email to the factory, saying “The prospects are unlimited. Nobody wears shoes here!”


#6 – Under Performer Contest

Sales manager addressing an under performing sales force at the start of a new month:
“We are going to have a sales contest this month. The winners will get to enter next month’s contest.”


#5 – Real Indian Pottery

Salesman: This jug is genuine Indian pottery.
Customer: But it says “Made in Cleveland”.
Salesman: Haven’t you ever heard of the Cleveland Indians?


#4 – How to Spot a Lying Salesman

How can you tell when a salesperson is lying?
His lips are moving.


#3 – Greeting Other Salespeople

How do salespeople traditionally greet each other?
“Hi. Nice to meet you. I’m better than you.”


#2 – Sales Therapy

Patient: Doctor, you have to help me stop talking to myself.
Doctor: Why is that?
Patient: I’m a salesman and I keep selling myself things I don’t want.


#1 – Pure Wool Pants

Customer: You said these pants were pure wool, but the label says “all cotton.”
Salesman: Oh, that’s just to keep the moths away.




That’s 9 sales jokes just waiting for you. Patiently waiting for you to memorize them, so you can take them wherever you go.

Oh you want them all? Let’s take it slow. Just choose one.

Ok, maybe two. Choose two and memorize them. So next time, when that special moment strikes, you will be the one who inked the deal.

Next time you see me, ask me to tell you a sales joke. Let’s see if the proof is in the pudding.

Can you think of any other good sales jokes?


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11 Comments When You Tell Sales Jokes Like This, You Close Big Deals

  1. Red Arthur says:

    I’ve got a sales joke for you sir!

    The Young Salesman
    A young guy from Wisconsin moves to Florida and goes to a big everything-under-one-roof department store looking for a job.

    The Manager says, ‘Do you have any sales experience?’

    The kid says ‘Yeah. I was a salesman back in Wisconsin.’

    Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.’

    His First day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. ‘How many customers bought something from you today?’

    The kid says, ‘One.’

    The boss says, ‘Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?’

    The kid says, ‘$101,237.65.’

    The boss says, ‘$101,237.65?! What the heck did you sell?’

    The kid says, ‘First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod.

    Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.’

    The boss said ‘A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?’

    The kid said ‘No, the guy came in here to buy makeup for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.’

  2. danny says:

    do you have any jokes about uruguay?

  3. Dean meucci says:

    Why did the salesman cross the road? Answer: To sell the chicken something he didn’t need…

  4. Amanda says:

    I practiced the African shoe salesman one on my boss. I got brownie points lol

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